she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i dont even know how to be here
You took a bar mat shot.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
