They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
