Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
