The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
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