umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
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