Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
