3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
