Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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