Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
