there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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