Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
