dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Randomize
