That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Drunk is not a location!
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
