You really coming over, don't trick.
Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
