I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
