so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
