Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
