The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
