Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
