I want to have your abortion
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
