she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
