home. puking in laundry basket.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
