oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
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