Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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