I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
