Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
two words...techno handjob
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I can't turn off my feet"
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
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