in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
