WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
