I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
