I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
