I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
