Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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