i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
You can't special order awesome
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
