There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
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