some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
