I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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