She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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