i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
