He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
