But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
