I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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