I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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