He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
