I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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