A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
