I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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