You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
