Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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