Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
