Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
