my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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