More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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