My first STD was from a foam party
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
