You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
