My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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