You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
