i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Randomize
