Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
