guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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