So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
jump out the window naked night went bad
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
