I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
