this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
