Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
