Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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