you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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