did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
