so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Randomize
