Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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