I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
sick fucks of a feather flock together
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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