i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
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Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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