in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
thus making me awesome and them whores
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
