I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
