dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
