I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
