Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
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I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
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I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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