my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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