when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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